Something New From Disney

Presenting the Mickey-Mouse DJs! It appears that more and more DJs are more inclined to chat rather than do their jobs (i.e. spin some decent records - some of the them fail to even do this).

I'm pointing the finger mostly at Chris Moyles, who has implanted a "stupid-chip" into most teenagers in the land thanks to his xenophobic, misogynistic twaddle. I say "twaddle" simply because it can't be described as much else. What he says doesn't have much worth, if any at all. It's mostly either slagging people off or flirting (thankfully unsuccessfully) with his female colleagues. Once subjected to this demonic man, I felt rage and insanity set in as he failed to play one record in forty-five minutes. That's right. Forty-five minutes worth of pointless banter, counteracted by three minutes of some dance-remix tune thing.

Step up to the ring Zane Lowe, a man so confident in his own abilities that he bamboozles his audience with a voice that goes a hundred miles an hour. If we slow Lowe down, we would probably find that he is simply saying "rhubarb" over and over to make it sound like talking (I know this works - I learned it in a drama class once). And then what does he play? Songs that I have either heard a hundred times before, only now labelled as "new" and "cool" by this man or some sort of indie rubbish (of course I love indie, but not what he plays).

Finally, and I hate to say this but a 6 Music DJ has tormented me for so long now that I'm beyond repair. This is George Lamb, a man who has taken over from the reins of Gideon Coe (a competent DJ) and replaced his respectable show with an onslaught of shabbas and maniacal warblings. Ok, the music is halfway decent (it's 6 Music, what do you expect?) but he is making a mockery of the good DJs on the station - the damage is irreversible! Funny, I read an article in the Guardian once about new presenters and he featured on it. There was a question saying "Despite all these useless qualities are they probably alright really?" The answer, fittingly, was no.

So here's my mockup for an advert for a new DJ:

DJ wanted, must be both xenophobic, misoginistic and above 14 stones in weight. Must also have a New Zealand accent and speak at a terrific rate (over 124mph preferred). A knowledge of how to say "shabba" and have fairly decent idea of bands who will probably get nowhere but might be good for a laugh. Long-haired and straw hats recommended.

Ahem.... I'm out of the question...

What I'm Listening to Right Now - "Time to Pretend" by MGMT

Please excuse the very small font on this post - I don't know what's happened, but I can't sort it out and it's very annoying. Sorry!