Reasons Why Little Boots Will Never Be As Good As Goldfrapp

Bless Victoria Hesketh - she's a midget pop star with little vocal range and little lyrical inspiration. Actually, don't bless her - she's ripping off Black Cherry-era Goldfrapp and anyone who doesn't have a ten-second memory knows it.

It's a bit of a sad state of affairs really: things were looking promising when Little Boots started off just using a Tenori-On and a piano doing versions of pop songs (look them up on YouTube if you're interested) and then suddenly.... the hype machine descended.... Yes, that thing.

Suddenly she was grabbed and her hair was done up into loose blonde curls with dark metallic make-up and shiny sequin-decorated clothes and high-heels to match and oh dear! It happened! She morphed into the new version of Ally so quickly that it gave me a headache. Well, a migraine really.

But here's the thing: Vicky just doesn't have the charm or the warmth to be as alluring and listenable as Goldfrapp. Her voice goes from icy squeal to, er, icy squeal and her songs have only one theme which is quite boring after a while. Add to this the fact that all of her backing tracks have a coarse and edgy feel that grates horribly like scraping nails down a chalkboard and suddenly you wonder where the promise of the initial few months went.

Have your imitations if you want, I think I'll stick with the classic model.

Just to prove a point, I think I'll place them side by side in a little video-off for you to decide for yourselves: