Glastonbury: Best Quote

The best quote I heard from Glasto this year came from Elbow frontman Guy Garvey, who was interviewed by Rufus Hound. This was in relation to the fact that Garvey was brought up in a catholic household, but is now no longer a Christian.

GG: "Yes, I've worn a dress for Jesus"

The image is astonishing.

Glastonbury: Who Should've Been There

This is not a wishlist for who I'd like to see at Glastonbury next year but more of a small list of people who could've replaced, say, Jay-Z (you can tell I'm pretty steamed up about that!). So, you could have had:

• Coldplay
• Radiohead
• REM
• The Police

etc? Surely these could have been better headliners. Maybe they're on the list for next year. However, if you believe Michael Eavis then five acts have already been lined up. Apparently one of them came off the back of Jay-Z's performance, so can we expect 50 Cent next year? I sincerely hope not! Other people I would've liked to caught this year include:

• Santogold
• M.I.A (although I'm not sure if she actually turned up or not)
• We Are Scientists (I'm interested now - what I saw of them was pretty good really)
• Neon Neon
• Hercules and Love Affair
• The Gossip
• Goldfrapp
• Ida Maria

Curse my lack of red button action! Although I just caught some more Kings of Leon while eating my dinner...

Glastonbury: Other Bits And Bobs

Well, since my red button wasn't working (curse the BBC again!) I was reduced to watching the highlights, which generally only consisted of a song or two from each featured artist, which turned out to be very few. Still, here's some other little snippets of what I caught.

Mark Ronson: I'm starting with this guy because I want to get it over with. Ohhh..... This was slightly torturous. Especially his cover of the Smith's "Stop Me" which he has slaughtered, disembollowed and buried with a mass of horns and saxophones. Daniel Merriweather's voice just doesn't do Morrissey any justice. Oh, and he had Lily Allen on stage with him and the ditzy thing had forgotten the words to her own songs, even though she wasn't drunk like Amy Winehouse (there's a surprise. Lily Allen? Not drunk?). He did a slightly better job of Candie Payne's "I Wish I Could Have Loved You More" but I hope he doesn't go putting it on his next album.

Hot Chip: They had Wiley on stage with them, and together they did a version of "Wearing My Rolex" which was a lot more tolerable than the original - then again, would you expect a rubbish version from the Chipsters? As usual, it was "Ready For the Floor" and "Over and Over" which received the biggest cheers. They seemed to be trying a more rock sound that night - I'm sure there was a more heavy guitar sound than usual. It wasn't a bad thing though. Maybe they should keep the new sound.

The Fratellis: Bland, bland bland. They reckon they've made their sound bigger, but I still think they're trying too hard to be something they'll never be. Mix some rubbish lyrics with some "heavy" guitar lyrics and a lot of apparent style over substance and you've basically got the Fratellis wrapped up in a neat little package. How on earth these guys outranked the Editors is beyond me but still.... if it's what they really want. Glad I didn't see "Chelsea Dagger".

Kings of Leon: Not a bad performance for first-day headliners KOL. Now that frontman Caleb Followhill is off the drugs, his lyrics are now far more understandable. They gave a good solid performance while playing songs like "The Bucket", "Fans" and "Molly's Chambers" in a set that spanned all three of their albums. Nice, and I wish I could have seen more. I think I could really get into them if I just gave them more of a chance.

The Zutons: Their new album hasn't gone down that well in the press yet they still draw some massive crowds and always end up with the fans singing along. Yesterday it was to "Valerie". Yes, that song that Mark Ronson wrecked (like a reverse Midas touch musically, but he generates a heck of a lot of money). They actually made Ronson join him on stage during the song, and he stood there in a very funny looking bowler hat looking a bit lost and playing the guitar. The original version of "Valerie" is undoubtedly the best. I found "Pressure Point" and "Why Won't You Give Me Your Love" enjoyable as well.

Estelle: (Shudder). No heart. No soul. All feathery dress and high heels. R'n'B singer Estelle knows how to bore an audience. Well, except the people who were actually there who all seemed to be really into tunes such as "American Boy" and "1980". But it's simply flashy! There's just no substance to her songs and she never looks passionate about what she sings. The Jazz/World Stage has had a funny Glasto really.

Vampire Weekend: Soft, fairly safe New York indie for people who don't know where else to start. No, I'm being a bit harsh. I quite like Vampire Weekend and can imagine listening to them quite comfortably but I have to say that "Oxford Comma" annoys me to no end. The tune wouldn't be too bad, but I think it's the lead singer's high-pitched voice that completely grates. Please, take that little bit out and I won't be angry with you VW! Still, a pretty good performance that everyone seemed to enjoy.

The Futureheads: One million times better now that they've cut out all of the "oh oh ohs". Still, the staccato style of the lead singer is slightly offputting and annoying, despite the fact that live their sound seems to be beefed up a bit. On record, they're just a bit wet, but seeing them live seemed to confirm that their music is better when heard in a tent with a hundred amps. Nice, clean.... an improvement.

The Raconteurs: Jack White's other band put on one of the best performances I saw this weekend. You can never expect the guys to do a conventional performance and stick to what they've recorded in the studio. "Steady As She Goes" ended up as an improvised, seven-minute-long rock-fest. Easily one of the best bands of the festival.

Glastonbury: Jay-Z

This man has caused the most controversy at Glasto in ages. People, including myself, think that having a big American hip-hop artist as a headliner at Glasto would turn it into a dangerous, hip-hop fuelled annual event where there is no longer a place for indie. Which would be a shame. Glasto has always been a place for indie bands, usually from the UK.

But at least he was better than Amy Winehouse.

Yes, he put on a bit of a show, probably had the best video screens of the whole festival and got the crowd going.... but what the heck was he talking about? He was going so fast that I had no idea what he was rapping about, and the only song I had any recollection of from the past was "99 Problems". The rest was a mix of samples and rapping at 100mph with more expletives than you could shake a stick at - although, I only actually noticed most of these when, a day later, they showed a few songs and took out all of the swearing, which was incredibly weird but incredibly funny!

Watching the set on TV was strange because no matter how hard the camera tried to find a black face, they failed! There were incredibly small pockets but the vast majority of people were white and all of them seemed to say that he was "incredible". Hmm.... Wonder if they actually understand what he's talking about.

Having sat through his whole set, I decided that although it certainly wasn't as bad as I thought it could have been (perhaps because it wasn't as heavy on the gangsta scale as I thought it was going to be), I still don't think that acts like Jay-Z suit the festival. Hopefully next year we'll go back to the indie scene and all will be forgiven.

Glastonbury: The Wombats

Liverpool indie band the Wombats put in an energetic performance on the Other Stage, generating a mass sing-song on their singles. Apparently they felt a little bit foolish after addressing the crowd before "Let's Dance to Joy Division" but they didn't show it - the song itself went smoothly with some nice harmonies and the trio looking like they were genuinely having a good time.

"Kill the Director" and "Backfire at the Disco" went down well too but for me "Moving to New York" is the jewel in the Wombats' crown. This was probably the best song they played in the set, with the most passion and feeling compared to some of the other tracks they played.

Nice inflatable wombat on stage with them too. I particularly liked the way it sported large red sunglasses. Classy.

Glastonbury: Amy Winehouse

God, this performance was like watching a train wreck! How painful it was to see Amy Winehouse, clearly drunk, slurring all of the words to her songs - most of which she obviously couldn't remember - and generally making a bit of a fool of herself. It would probably have been better if she hadn't turned up. I'm sure someone else would have performed without making such a hash of everything.

That said, at least she made it. Still, I certainly wouldn't go so far as to say that it was "a magnificent performance" like the BBC pundits declared it was. "Back to Black" was only recognisable because of the backing band, and Amy only just about remembered the tune to "Love is a Losing Game".

Perhaps her lowest point during this disastrous performance was getting down from the stage to be nearer the fans and punching one in the face. Let it be clear: she was NOT provoked, despite what everyone might say and she certainly DID give some poor man a very sore head. Running along in six-inch heels is never a good idea, so it was no surprise that in a drunken stupor, she nearly fell over twice and was staggering around with probably no idea what she was meant to be doing. She needs to sober up before doing this again.

Glastonbury: Editors

I have to say that I was a bit worried before sitting down and fully enjoying Editors this year. I thought that Tom Smith's voice seemed a little muffled and distant but realised that it must have been the effect they wanted - there actually haven't been any notable sound problems this year, aside from Neil Diamond's mike cutting out during his set.

So back to the Editors and they were on particularly fine form, even if they did look a little tired (not surprising since they've done nothing but tour for the past year or so). Tom's gloomy voice was still as passionate as ever, and although I didn't get to see their new material (curse the BBC!) it was still a good set to watch.

"Blood" and "Bullets" are always brilliant, whether live or on record so I was glad to catch them. "The Racing Rats" from their second album is probably one of my favourite Editors songs, so it was also nice to hear a version of this. Still, it was pretty much the same as they did last year. They need more new matierial.

Finally Here

It's coming tomorrow! Glastonbury is finally upon us! Be amazed at the very similar lineup to last year with a few slight alterations to make sure that viewers and festivalgoers don't think they've gone back in time.

It looks like good weather this year as well. I'm actually rather angry at the Eavis bunch for claiming that bad weather in previous years has hindered ticket sales. Look at your lineup you two! Jay-Z?! I still don't know what they were thinking when they booked him but if you're the betting sort, you can get good odds of 7-2 that Jay-Z will be booed off the stage.

In typically evil fashion, all I can say is "Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Stay tuned for more Glasto coverage.